conversational distance Archives - Linda Varone

Tips on Furniture Placement for Connection with Others

Feng Shui gives you insights about furniture placement to maximize Chi flow and to provide a sense of protection. While this is important, it does not address the your most important need: connection with others. Furniture placement for connection is not about the furniture, it is about arranging seating, tables and lighting for relaxed conversation and easy eye contact.

“The most important thing is being able to make eye contact.”– Witold Rybzinski, architect and historian.

People feel most comfortable being together when the degree of emotional connectedness and physical closeness match.

When these two factors are not in sync people feel invaded or isolated, which can be experienced as anxiety or discomfort. And yet, people tend to spread out their furniture to fill the room, no matter the size of the space.

Please Note: The rooms you see in design magazines and online are setup for the best photo composition, not for how the room works in real life. These rooms are totally rearranged for the photographer.

Furniture placement for connection, diagram of interpersonal distances for specific interactions — For true connection and communication to occur, it is essential that you are the right distance from the person you are talking to – otherwise you will experience a feeling of stress, invasion or disconnect.

Interior Psychology calls this interaction zone “Interpersonal Distance”. Knowing how to use this helps you create spaces that make conversation calmer, intimacy easier and privacy possible.

The interpersonal Distances in Your Life:

Intimate Distance, 0-18 inches, is from skin-to-skin contact to arms length. This is most often used by lovers and parents with their children: for care, protection, passion. You can speak in a whisper or low voice, touch, kiss.

Personal Distance, 1 ½ – 4 feet, is for connection without touching. This is best for conversations with family and close friends. People will be drawn to seating spaces that are cozier, inviting people to hang out and connect.

Social Distances: 4-7 feet, is the “close phase” of Social Distances, which is appropriate for business or formal social gatherings. This is not a comfortable distance for everyday family time and conversation.

Seven to 12 feet is the “far phase” of Social Distance. At this distance your voice must be projected, the tone of your voice changes and your message becomes briefer. This changes the emotional dynamic of your conversation. Interior designers call this “shouting distance.” Spaces with furniture sprawl are most vulnerable to this.

How to Use Interpersonal Distances in Your Home – Furniture Placement for Connection

In Gathering Spaces: Living Rooms, Family Rooms, Dining Rooms and Kitchens:

Arrange seating to support face-to-face distance of 5 ½ – 7 feet or less (a tape measure is handy). During my consultations I move furniture around to help my clients experience how much better it feels to have a smaller seating area. Their surprised response is “I really like it this way!” Moving furniture closer together is especially important in large rooms where the impulse is to spread out furniture to fill the space = furniture sprawl.

When furniture is farther apart a space feels more formal and people will interact that way. When seating is closer together, what may at first glance look crowded, will feel cozy and comfortable.

Chair Placement for Eye Contact and Connection

Being aware of distance is the first part of arranging your furniture by making it easier to hear and speak. How your seating is grouped makes eye contact easier and more relaxed.

People instinctively gather in a circle when talking together. So arrange your chairs and sofa in a circle or U-shape or even an L-shape. When seated at a table, a round table is ideal.

Want help arranging your furniture for greater intimacy and connect while creating a room that looks beautiful? Contact me.

How do you arrange your furniture to make you feel comfortable? Share your ideas in the comments below.

image by linda varone

“A number of relatives whom I love dearly suffer from progressive hearing loss significant enough to require the speaker to shout. I find it nearly impossible to do this when carrying on a conversation without sounding harsh and without my sentiments eventually changing to match my voice. How do I maintain a conversational tone when speaking at top decibel.”

The above was a letter to a Boston Globe etiquette advice columnist. The writer brilliantly identified the problem: that when she had to shout to be heard, her emotions soon followed with harsh feelings.

While you may not have relatives with significant hearing loss, the wrong arrangement of furniture in a gathering room can have the same effect – people shouting at each other with voices and feelings becoming harsh.

Architectural Psychology has studied this phenomenon and measured what is the ideal distance, face-to-face, for relaxed conversation. It is 2-4 feet, the measurement nose-to-nose, or more significantly eye-to-eye and ear-to-ear. Beyond that distance you will have to stretch your voice and energy to connect. And then you wonder why everyone avoids that room, or why television watching is the only activity in that space.

An example is the photo at right which shows a couple seated on park benches too far apart for easy conversation. The woman in the photo is sitting on the edge of her seat and leaning forward in an attempt to bridge the interpersonal distance between herself and the man.

Most people reflexively place their furniture against the walls. This is often shown in decorating magazines and television shows with the thought this makes the room look larger. What is lost is a sense of connection and coziness. But furniture, even in smaller homes, should be arranged for ease of conversation. Ideally, cluster your furniture for relaxed speaking and good eye contact when you gather with friends and family.

Working with a client I reconfigured her sectional sofa, so the seats – and her family members – faced each other, instead of the television. She was extremely happy with the significant improvement in family interactions this simple change created.
Another client told me moving her son’s favorite chair 18 inches brought him into the family conversational circle and a greater sense of inclusion in her family – and no was aware of his feeling of being on the periphery until after the change.
The solution can be as simple as moving chairs and sofas 6 inches closer to each other.
Or you may need to “float” a conversational grouping in the room – and anchor it in relation to a fireplace or window.

Photo by clairity

Furniture Placement for Connection: How to Avoid Furniture Sprawl